you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
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No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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