the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize