happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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