come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize