I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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