My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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