theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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