Soap is not a condiment
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize