Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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