i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize