Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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