I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize