Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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