I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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