dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize