I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
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No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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