There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
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He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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