I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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