i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize