I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize