What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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