I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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