My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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