What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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