Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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