he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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