Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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