This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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