Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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