my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize