Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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