a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize