Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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