Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
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God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
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And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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