i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
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You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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