Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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