my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize