Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize