if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
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Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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