Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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