Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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