he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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