The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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