My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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