I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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