If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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