I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
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at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
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It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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