Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
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Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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