First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
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Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
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Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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