I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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